There are people we should keep a little or completely away from. Nevertheless, it seems to be incredibly difficult for us and others. Even when very bad things happened.
It’s Like A Drug
There are people we should keep a little or completely away from. Nevertheless, it seems to be incredibly difficult for us. Even after very bad events or recurring disappointments.
Loss Of Reality
When it comes to negative people in our lives, we are victims of a tremendous loss of reality. We unconsciously create abstruse stories of justification and trivialization. Excuses that we would never, ever accept for ourselves.
Permission And Compassion
We have two things to do. The highest good is compassion. We have to understand that people are who they are. If we had lived their lives like that, we would be like them. Perhaps their suffering wasn’t great enough to bring about growth. Perhaps their suffering was so unbearable that they have always been subject to constant resignation. Understanding this takes a great burden off us. Understanding sheds light on the demons who like to hide in the dark. Through understanding, we can see them clearly for the first time. And that is like a liberation. A dissolution of the pain that has clung to us for a long time.
The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.
John Green
Is that it? Is this supposed to be the end? An everlasting understanding of the rough edges of our fellow human beings. In a perfect world maybe. But we must not forget that even we do not always have the strength to offer understanding. And we certainly don’t have the power to be the master of our emotions.
Understanding is a virtue. Allowing yourself to set healthy boundaries is also a virtue. Should we show understanding? Yes. Should we do this anytime? No – only as often as we can. When it comes to our own peace of mind, it’s not possible to constantly expose ourselves to negative situations. We only have a certain amount of strength. We can use this to understand others, to set healthy boundaries and to take care of ourselves. The latter should have the highest priority.
Today we live in a world where the most important thing seems to be to endure everything. But do we bear ourselves? It often seems as if no one is working on their problems but everyone has to understand and accept others. And unfortunately it also seems as if the livelihood of many consists of wanting to put the acceptance of others to the test. People who have declared it their way of life to increasingly exceed the (non-existent) boundaries of their fellow human beings. All too often these people adorn themselves with virtues that are not virtues, with ideas that they do not represent at all and with collectives that they are actually destroying.
Acceptance always starts with yourself. Just like understanding or love. Those who demand the most have the least to offer. We cannot give what we do not have. Therefore, all are served when we expend most of our strength on ourselves. Accepting ourselves – and then the others. Trust ourselves – and then the others. Setting healthy boundaries for ourselves and then for others. To love ourselves – and then the other.
Summary
- Understand why people are like this. Do this for you, not for the others! Compassion dissolves your suffering.
- Set healthy boundaries if compassion won’t help in the long term. Cutting out people is also a healthy boundary. It’s hard, i know.
Matching Books
The Power of Now from Eckhart Tolle helped me a lot in that topic. I highly recommend it!