Kategorie: Personal Growth

Every other day, there is a new trending motivation video on YouTube or that new technique to be more productive is trending on social media. That one single thing you have to do or look forward to. Do this, and you will get motivated. But still people seem to get more and more unmotivated, always fighting against procrastination.

Why the hell

To be honest, i was always the king of procrastination. In my childhood people around me were trying to motivate me or give me techniques to do better. But the problem was, i am a why guy. I always ask „why“. Why should i reach a certain goal while going through hell beating myself into the finish line. And than? Time was wasted to reach a single point, a status, a society approved goal, a „you have to do this because thats why“.

People who gave me this advices always been the same. Sure they were successful in some way. But i never found more unhappier people than those who push themselves from one dream to the other. There is always something they are looking forward to. Never settle down, never pause, never living. Those sad persons want to give me tipps how to live my life. And then, I still have the nerve to ask them why they are doing this. Short answer? They don’t know or their motivation is an external goal. This ist called extrinsic motivation.

Extrinsic motivation

Extrinsic motivation is focused on a result (short or long term) and external things like money or status. Everything what is driving that motivation is coming from the outside. 99 % of motivation today and all these fancy techniques are just like that.

Interestingly, extrinsic motivation was invented to drive unmotivated people. And guess what, we still do this and mask it as new fancy methods for reaching our dreams. We don’t ask ourselves why we are unmotivated. We are simply looking for ways to hide this problem and still perform through certain methods. But their is a better form of motivation.

Intrinsic motivation

Intrinsic motivation is motivation that arises from a task itself, for example because it is meaningful to others or brings us joy while we are doing things. Sounds awesome right? Individuals who behave from intrinsic motivation are way more satisfied than extrinsically motivated individuals.

This is the real secret of life — to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realize it is play.

Alan Watts

I don’t know how many blogs i started in my life, how many side projects i tried, how many times i was motivating myself just because of external things like status, a long term goal or social acceptance. Until i realized that i had to ask myself why. I searched for things i really enjoyed but other people would see as work. I found that i really enjoy learning about new things every day. What’s is your joy? What is your play?

There are people we should keep a little or completely away from. Nevertheless, it seems to be incredibly difficult for us and others. Even when very bad things happened.

It’s Like A Drug

There are people we should keep a little or completely away from. Nevertheless, it seems to be incredibly difficult for us. Even after very bad events or recurring disappointments.

Loss Of Reality

When it comes to negative people in our lives, we are victims of a tremendous loss of reality. We unconsciously create abstruse stories of justification and trivialization. Excuses that we would never, ever accept for ourselves.

Permission And Compassion

We have two things to do. The highest good is compassion. We have to understand that people are who they are. If we had lived their lives like that, we would be like them. Perhaps their suffering wasn’t great enough to bring about growth. Perhaps their suffering was so unbearable that they have always been subject to constant resignation. Understanding this takes a great burden off us. Understanding sheds light on the demons who like to hide in the dark. Through understanding, we can see them clearly for the first time. And that is like a liberation. A dissolution of the pain that has clung to us for a long time.

The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.

John Green

Is that it? Is this supposed to be the end? An everlasting understanding of the rough edges of our fellow human beings. In a perfect world maybe. But we must not forget that even we do not always have the strength to offer understanding. And we certainly don’t have the power to be the master of our emotions.

Understanding is a virtue. Allowing yourself to set healthy boundaries is also a virtue. Should we show understanding? Yes. Should we do this anytime? No – only as often as we can. When it comes to our own peace of mind, it’s not possible to constantly expose ourselves to negative situations. We only have a certain amount of strength. We can use this to understand others, to set healthy boundaries and to take care of ourselves. The latter should have the highest priority.

Today we live in a world where the most important thing seems to be to endure everything. But do we bear ourselves? It often seems as if no one is working on their problems but everyone has to understand and accept others. And unfortunately it also seems as if the livelihood of many consists of wanting to put the acceptance of others to the test. People who have declared it their way of life to increasingly exceed the (non-existent) boundaries of their fellow human beings. All too often these people adorn themselves with virtues that are not virtues, with ideas that they do not represent at all and with collectives that they are actually destroying.

Acceptance always starts with yourself. Just like understanding or love. Those who demand the most have the least to offer. We cannot give what we do not have. Therefore, all are served when we expend most of our strength on ourselves. Accepting ourselves – and then the others. Trust ourselves – and then the others. Setting healthy boundaries for ourselves and then for others. To love ourselves – and then the other.